name: Flotus
lodge: Philadelphia
grandlodge: Montevideo, Uruguay

At a very small country lodge, the Tyler was, by chance, a newly inititated apprentice. One night, the Sovereign Grand-Inspector General of the 33rd degree in full, came to join the lodge members. Awed by the regalia and apron of the Sovereign, the Tyler came into the Temple and said, “Worshipful Master, at the Temple door, waiting to be granted entrance, is the Great Architect of the Universe”

name: Wor.Bro. R. Raymond
lodge: Baden Powell 505
grandlodge: UGL. of Qld Australia

Masonic Riddles

Welcome to my collection of Masonic Riddles. The majority are original and have never been published before. Enjoy.

Ballot
Q. What is it called if a Lodge ballot returns two black balls?
A. Electile dysfunction.

Boaz
Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he was married?
A. Ruthless.

Brewery
Q. What time was it when the Lodge visited the brewery?
A. High time.

Bright Freemasons
Q. What’s the first thing most Freemasons do in the morning of a lodge meeting?
A. Wake up.

Crocodile
Q. Why did the crocodile refuse to eat Freemasons?
A. Because they would lodge in its throat.

Cross the Road
Q. Why did the Freemason cross the road?
A. He was following the landmarks of the Order.

Drawbridge
Q. What did the Freemason say when he tripped and fell off the drawbridge?
A. So moat it be.

Festive Board
Q. What did the Junior Warden say when the Steward was about to serve double helpings at the Festive Board.
A. Halve it and begin.

Finders Keepers
Q. Where do you find Freemasons?
A. It depends where you lost them.

Freemason or Not?
Q. When is a Freemason not a Freemason?
A. When advancing to the East in the Second Degree, he turns into a winding staircase.

Freeway
Q. How are freeways and Freemasonry alike?
A. They both provide a pathway to where you want to go.

Grand Lodge Above No.1
Q. Why can’t Brethren working in Antarctica pass to the Grand Lodge Above?
A. Because they’re not dead.

Grand Lodge Above No.2
Q. Why couldn’t the absent-minded Brother enter the Grand Lodge Above?
A. Because he forgot to bring his regalia.

Hiram and the Sheriff
Q. What do Hiram Abiff and Gary Cooper have in common?
A. They both faced murderous ruffians at high noon.

Hiram et al
Q. What do Hiram Abiff, George Washington and a tombstone cutter have in common?
A. They’re all monumental masons.

King Solomon’s Temple
Q. Where was King Solomon’s Temple located?
A. On the side of his head.

Lodges and Pubs
Q. What do Masonic Lodges and pubs have in common?
A. The longer you stay the more enlightened you become.

Masonic Apron
Q. Why do Freemasons wear aprons?
A. Just in case they have to do the washing up.

Masonic Beavers
Q. What’s the first thing a colony of Masonic beavers would do?
A. Build a grand lodge.

Masonic Colours No.1
Q. What’s black, white, blue and green?
A. A seasick Freemason.

Masonic Colours No.2
Q. What’s black, white, blue, green and red?
A. A sunburnt, seasick Freemason.

Masonic Colours No.3
Q. What’s black, white, blue, green, red and yellow?
A. A sunburnt, seasick Freemason in a bowl of custard.

Masonic Dad
Q. What did the Freemason say when his kids covered him with sand at the beach?
A. Don’t put a sprig of acacia on top!

Masonic Elephant
Q. What do you get if you cross a Freemason with an elephant?
A. An overweight Brother who never forgets his ritual charges.

Masonic Knock-Knock
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Candy.
Candy who?
Candy date for Freemasonry.

Masonic Light Bulb No.1
Q. How many Masons does it take to change a light bulb?
A. No one knows. It’s a secret.

Masonic Light Bulb No.2
Q. How many Masons does it take to change a light bulb?
A. CHANGE?

Masonic Policeman
Q. What did the police officer say to the Brother caught speeding home from Lodge?
A. I shall now direct your attention to a charge.

Masonic Terrorists
Q. Why is Freemasonry a suspected terrorist organisation?
A. Because the Square and Compasses are weapons of maths instruction.

Masonic Thermometer
Q. Why did the Cowan break open the thermometer?
A. To discover the secrets of the degrees.

Non-Masonic Light Bulb
Q. How many Cowans does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. They are in eternal darkness.

Password
Q. Why do you need a password to enter a Masonic Lodge?
A. Because they don’t sell tickets.

Past Masters and Politicians
Q. What’s the difference between Past Masters and politicians?
A. Politicians want to change things.

Rhinoceros
Q. What’s the difference between a Freemason and a rhinoceros?
A. Well, if you can’t tell them apart you wouldn’t make a very good Tyler.

Rough Stuff
Q. How did the ruffians try to steal the Master Mason’s secrets?
A. They served Hiram Abiff in the temple.

The AGSW and the Funeral
Q. What does an Assistant Grand Superintendent of Workings have in common with a body at a funeral?
A. The show wouldn’t be the same without them, but nobody expects them to say very much.

The Fellowcraft and the Tiger No.1
Q. What would you get if you mixed a Fellowcraft and a tiger?
A. A tiger.

The Fellowcraft and the Tiger No.2
Q. What happened to the Fellowcraft?
A. He’s gone into the middle chamber.

The Grip
Q. Why do Masons have a secret handshake?
A. So they don’t mistake each other for penguins.

The Illuminator
Q. Who is the most enlightening person in the Lodge?
A. The Director of Ceremonies, because DC power is electrifying.

The King is Dead
Q. What did the Israelites say when their first King (before David and Solomon) died?
A. That’s Saul folks.

The King’s Limo
Q. What kind of car did King Solomon’s father drive?
A. According to Scripture, the roar of David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.

The Staircase
Q. Why did the Worshipful Master fall down the stairs?
A. Because the Entered Apprentice had taken the first step.

Tongue in Cheek
Q. What did the recalcitrant EA say before he was slain?
A. Se sells seasells by the seasore.

To Order
Q. Why do Freemasons Stand to Order?
A. Because if they sat down the waiter might not notice them.

Tyler Tiler
Q. What is the difference between a tyler and a tiler?
A. One tyles lodges and the other lodges tiles.

VSL
Q. What is the Volume of the Sacred Law?
A. Ten thousand cubic centimetres.

Who am I?
Q. Five hundred begins it, five hundred ends it,
Five in the middle is seen;
First of all letters, first of all figures,
Take up their stations between.
Join all together, and then you will bring
Before you the name of an eminent king.
Who am I?
(Clue: Roman numerals)
A. DAVID

Whodunit?
Q. What's the worst thing about being a Fellowcraft? 
A. You're always one of the usual suspects.

Women Freemasons
Q. Why aren’t women allowed into Freemasonry?
A. Imagine telling your wife that you had a Worshipful Mistress in the Lodge!

name: Roy Fairhurst
lodge: Lodge of Faith 344
grandlodge: UGL England

A first degree was in progress and the ritual was not very good, concequentley a series of prompts were coming from the Past Masters and the Provincial Officers (as they do). The DC was slowly loosing his cool and finally snapped, jumped up and shouted "How many DC's are there in this Lodge" The Senior Warden who had been snoozing immediatly jumped up and said "Three besides the outer gaurd or tyler"